I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Found the puke drawer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize