hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
