I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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