even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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