Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
if only i could text you this smell
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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