Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
