That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
