You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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