Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
