I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
