What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
