just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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