mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
