I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
