Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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