I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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