I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
