I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
