Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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