They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
