I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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