i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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