i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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