hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
