If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
