i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
