playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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