tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
