get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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