i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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