when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
