I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
