i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
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I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
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Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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