Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
