Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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