Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Randomize
