I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
