I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My legs feel like baby dolphins
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
