my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Only a mothe r could love this liver
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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