dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
