i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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