ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
