I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
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