i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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