and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
