wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
