I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
