the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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