It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
