at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
