I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
