...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
