I need help removing her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
