I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
