i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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