Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize