but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
