Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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