Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
