why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
