she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
